WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
