also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
