i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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