Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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