I'm sorry my penis didn't work
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
