Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
