I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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