i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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