the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
