I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
