Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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