I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
