I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
