I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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