If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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