I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunk is not a location!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
