He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
