so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
