You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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