listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
