then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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