So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
