I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
