Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
