I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dear god my vagina.
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