shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
