just tell him i said nine months
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
