dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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