I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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