Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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