Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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