He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
