When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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