my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
