I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
