Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
