she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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