I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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