oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
