i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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