I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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