how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
