im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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