my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
