i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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