The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
