pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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