Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found puke in my bra..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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