he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
