Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
