The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
