I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
